Cojones

I feel terrible that it has been over a week since I last wrote. I am sure that it has been painful for you not to be regaled with the trials and tribulations of the pseudo-stay at home mom that I am until 11 August. Ha ha.

It has been a difficult week, I won't lie. To say that every moment of the summer has been wonderful would be untrue, but it seems the majority of the bad moments have been in the last 10 days. I have decided that it is entirely possible for a mother to get on her children's nerves and vise versa. And so here is the conundrum....how much can a mother admit to being aggravated by her children before she earns herself the right to be gossiped about behind her back?

You all know what I am talking about...there are women out there who complain about their children and their lives as mothers about whom YOU gossip. They don't love their children, they obviously don't appreciate the "gift" of their children, etc., etc. Nothing is ever said TO the mother in question about the concern or distaste others feel toward them; instead, mom in the spotlight is greeted with uber-pleasant smiles up front, and stabbed in the back with attacks on her motherly character as soon as she turns away.

How many women refuse to admit that their newborn baby is not what they expected, just because they KNOW what people will say about them? How many women deny their toddler's anger-inducing fits because they know that someone will comment on how badly they must be parenting? How many gloss over the potentially dangerous and destructive attitudes of their preschooler because they are afraid someone will remind them how much they will "miss" this time of their child's life?

I would be willing to bet that there isn't a single mother out there who hasn't, at some point, been so angry, frustrated, upset, hurt, stifled, etc by their children that they haven't wished to have just 15 minutes of their life back to the ease and relative pain-free existence it was BEFORE they had children. I am not saying that they want their children gone forever, but for 15 minutes....just 15 minutes to regroup, restructure, restore. And if any mother denies that, then she is either lying or has yet to have their child take a hockey stick to her newly painted walls.

I will stand up for all of those women and then some, then. I will have the cojones to say, " I love my children with all my heart, but for about 2 hours yesterday I would have been equally as happy to have them anywhere but with me". Of course, I would have been aching for them terribly at the end of those two hours, as it is the ache that leads us to becoming mothers in the first place. But two hours without the juggling act would have been very nice...

They did, however, make it up to me by cuddling very nicely last night while we watched "Mulan". I even got a kiss and a "You're my best friend" from my best girl. And with that, the rest of the day was washed away and I was able to go to bed happy.

If Only I Could Carry the 4th Everyday

Happy belated 4th of July! I would have written last night, but we got in late from the fireworks and I chose bed over blog...

With all the recent talk of why kids, when kids, how kids, etc., I feel it necessary to share a slice of last night with you. We traveled down to a ballpark in Mansfield to share the 4th with some dear friends of ours and their kids- we had a fantastic time. We spent hours playing, goofing, and running around on the fields, and then we sat down on our blankets and fold up chairs in order to watch the fireworks.

I had the privilege of having , for just a few brief moments during the show, every child in group seated by me, ooh-ing and aah-ing over the lights and sounds. I was able to see it all through their eyes, the pinks-greens-whites-blues, and well, nothing is more amazing than having two 3 year olds leaning against your arms, two five year olds sitting close by, and an 18 month old on your lap, all vying for your attention, your hugs, your comments while they sit in awe of the sky above.

Imagine the baby touching your face and looking at you with each "wow", the 3 year olds patting your arm and asking you, non-stop, if you saw this one or that one, the 5 year olds telling you "how cool" each display was....and now contemplate how overwhelming it is to know that, for those few brief moments, you are their touchstone, their line between the earth and the sky. You are their answers, their sounding board, their comfort, their pillow...Imagine no other sound but the children and the fireworks, no other moment but the one you are in; picture yourself completely immersed in the knowledge that you are a part of their memory, their experience.

If only it was possible to carry that moment with you...for those times when you want to do or say those things to your children, the ones you know you regret the second after they occur. If only you could take out that moment, look at it as a reminder of just how important you are to them ALL the time. If only, if only...

Posted by Request

This has nothing to do with the Three Musketeers; this fact is one that is sure to delight some of you and I would imagine you are aching for a commercial break in the pro-children soapbox. Ha!

Here is an e-mail I sent out yesterday, posted by request. Do with it what you will (but don't send it back to me, please! I am liable to comment on it again and I am not sure I can keep my responses PG next time).

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I actually received this e-mail at least a dozen times over the course of a week or so…it is funny, but in dire need of a response J. If anything makes you laugh, just remember it’s because you know what I am talking about- ha ha. If you haven’t seen the “rules” yet, they are what’s written in gray.

THERE'S A NEW SET OF RULES NOW!!
Now it's time for the man's rules. We always hear "the rules" for the feminine side. Ok - we are now going to hear the rules from the man's side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
Do women actually get mad about this? I don't know of any who do. I know many, however, who get mad at the drippage on the lid and/or inside the rim after the man in their house has visited his “throne”.

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Hell, I am hardly ever thinking of you. What do I care?

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Whew! I hate it, too...especially when it's shopping for something that has no bearing on reality....computer parts, big screen TV's, stereo components necessary for the loud parties we never have, etc.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
Wish I could say the same in return.

1. Crying is blackmail.
Well, so stop doing it then! No one likes to see a grown man asking for Kleenex.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work
Strong hints do not work
Obvious hints do not work
Just say it!
Then the next logical question is...if I say it, provide you with explicit directions on how to do it, and also provide you with a reasonable deadline in which it needs to be done, why is it still screwed up?

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
We don't remember either, so please refrain from getting mad the next time we forget that your poker night is this week and have made other plans for us that will prevent you from attending.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Yup. I.e., "Honey, want to fool around?" NO. “Is it me?” YES.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Nobody asked you for either. I didn't come to you with a problem, you harassed me into telling you one. I just didn't want to talk to you.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
In this case, perhaps lawyer is more appropriate.

1. Check your oil! Please.
I did. I changed it, too...not like you would know since you haven't left the couch since yesterday.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
This rule applies to me, too, right? Because though I said ok to boy's night out last week, I am changing my mind now. According to your rule, last week's response never even existed.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Ewww...who wanted that? How about simply acting like someone who follows the larger of their two brains...or are you already? Because that would explain SO much.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
I have yet to hear anything uttered from your mouth for which multiple interpretations were possible; I will worry about that particular dilemma when we reach the complex sentence structure stage of our conversations.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
It sure is. So no, I didn't see you make that basket/touchdown/hole in one/whatever, dear...I was busy following my genetic pre-disposition to “ogle”…and damn, he’s hot.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
I am pretty sure I do already...then you come along and jack it all up.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
Believe me, I did. Can you?

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Well, now that explains what you wore to work today.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Feel free...just please refrain from using my kitchen utensils as aids in this endeavor unless YOU are going to clean them.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
Fortunately for you, I am really not all that concerned about how much you care. I figure if you didn't at all, I would be being served papers.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Duly noted. Rest assured that you can often apply the same theory (know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.) to “Was it good for you, honey?” “Yes, dear”.

1. I'm in shape. -ROUND is a shape.
I believe the term you’re looking for here is sphere. You did pass 10th grade math, right?