It is Time

So, obviously I broke New Year's Resolution #1 from last year. No weekly blog entries here! No way, no how, no sirree. With that out of the way, I can move on to what I really came here to do, which is lay it all out there for you, friends and family. No more secrets, thinly veiled innuendos, nope. Time to throw it all out in the open and hope for the best...or at the very least that you will keep your smarta** comments to yourself. Wishful thinking, I know. :-)

Three and a half years ago, Aaron and I made a very big decision. We decided to stop our family from growing- permanently. Aaron, ever the chivalrous husband, volunteered himself to go under the knife (for all of 5 seconds) and render himself forever fruitless. I cried the day he had it done...and for many days after. However, it wasn't until February of 2010 that I realized why.

Why, why, why, you ask, did 1) we make that decision and 2) I cry about it? Well, we made it for reasons unbeknownst to me. Apparently I was all for it; I do not feel my opinions at the time should have been trusted and given much merit. I was three months into baby number three, hadn't slept in over three years, etc. I cannot place full blame on Aaron, though. Allegedly I made reference to us living a platonic life from there on out if he did NOT have it done. I suppose most married men would have made the same choice. I think, in retrospect, I would have agreed to removing my innards by hand if it meant I could stop talking and just go to sleep. Who knows...I sure don't remember the conversations, though it seems I was an integral player in them! As for the crying, surely by now you have figured that out. I cried, cried, cried because the decision had been made in haste and was a poor one to boot. As it turns out, I was not the only one who felt that way.

Last winter marked a time when Aaron and I sat down and finally realized that neither of us had wanted to stop at three; we had both wanted another child. What to do? There weren't many options out there; the most obvious one, a reversal, was terribly expensive and far more invasive than the original procedure. After much consideration, though, we decided to at least investigate this option further. Aaron found a fantastic doctor in Arlington who, over the course of the next six weeks, helped us walk this path.

In March of 2010, Aaron went under the knife for a second time. This time, however, I will actually allow him some shine time, as this procedure was more than anything I have had to tolerate (aside from, you know, hours and hours of terrible labor pains). After nearly four hours in surgery, he came into recovery very out of it but, hopefully, "whole". The recovery process was terrible for him and he made himself a new home in the TV room downstairs so that he wouldn't have far to go. After a weekend of rest and repair, he was back on the front lines, sore and ice-packed, but ready to go.

So now what? I won't bore you with the details (though, and this is disturbing, I am sure some of you wouldn't be bored), but suffice it to say we got the green light from the doc and ran. The odds were very much against us. With as long as it had been, the doctor told us that, if it worked at all, it wouldn't be for about a year. He told us that, given how long it had been since the original surgery, it might not work at all. He told us that, given how long it had been, he hoped for the best for us.

But it DID work...and right away! I cried over the "+" sign I saw in April. Holy hell, that doctor worked magic! Even at that moment, though, I knew...I just knew. I spent the next five weeks in tears, poked and prodded twice a week as they drew blood, hoping beyond hope that my gut instinct was not right, that this baby would make it. As a mom with four pregnancies under her belt already, though, I should not have second-guessed myself: I was right. On 11 June 2010, we said goodbye to that little miracle.

Over the next few weeks I struggled with what to do. The doctor's nurse said to wait to try again, but we knew that there was always a chance that reversal would reverse, if you will. Was I ready? Was my body ready? We weighed the decision through July, only to realize that the decision had been made for us. On 16 July I had to congratulate Aaron on the persistence of his little army- we were pregnant again! Thank goodness we found out then, though, otherwise I would have spent my entire cruise vacation the following week, boozing it up and making baby a alcoholic at birth. Just kidding....sort of.

It couldn't be easy, though, not for this child, not for this mom, not for this dad. Two weeks after I patted Aaron on the back, I was in the ER in Galveston, hoping for yet another miracle. Blood, and lots of it, had been my friend all afternoon. Eibhlin had seen and said, "Mom, are you still pregnant?" WHAT?!?! She had no idea at this point that I was- or, at least, we hadn't told her. But there I was, trying to explain to her that I wasn't (just for her sake), all the while dying because I was. So much, so much...and too much for me to relive. Just know that 10 hours later, I was only slightly less distraught than I had been going in, but at least I had gotten to see the little, itty bitty sac inside.

Fast forward 8 weeks and here we are, 13 weeks and 6 days into this wonderful pregnancy. The first 10 weeks were rough, what with the ER trip and then other issues, but we made it. My trademark surgery (the cerclage) was done this last week by my incredibly skilled and wonderful OB and I can now breathe (more or less) for the next 23 weeks (then the cerclage comes out). And now I sit here, listening to the wonderful sound of Tadpole's heart beat-beat-beating away inside me at nearly 180 bpm. Whew.

So, friends and family, do with this what you will. I am sure there are some who are aghast at the thought of us adding another child to the insanity we call our world. I am sure there are some who are smiling right now, thinking of his or her own brood. Then there are some who are probably sitting here asking why in the hell I thought it necessary to spread this much information across on the e-table. Why have I done this? Because I am so incredibly happy and amazed that I have been given the honor and privilege to do this again that I think it is unfair to keep it to myself any longer.

And so, It is Time. We are having another baby and not one of us, not me, not Aaron, not the kids, could be any happier or thrilled than we are already.