DAYS TWENTY-NINE & THIRTY - 29 - 30 November 2012...and EVERY DAY
It's easy to forget to stop and breathe sometimes, to stop and think, to stop. Our worlds go round and round, there are decisions to be made, items to be checked off of lists, lawns to be mowed, laundry to be done, races to run, and the next thing you know it is 5 years later and you're grayer, thicker, and nowhere closer to being "done" than you thought you would be.
I tried, I really did, to finish the TDoT that I started on 1 November. I even sat in bed Friday night chastising myself for not having the energy to get up and finish, to give my thanks for those last two days of November. I mean, really, what's another 10 minutes if it means being grateful for what I have? Sleep won out, however, and Thursday's and Friday's call to thanks were left unanswered. As much as I carried that guilt until now, I am actually kind of grateful that I didn't finish then, as, after the weekend I had, I am in a much better position to sit back and truly be thankful for all the precious gifts in my world.
In no particular order of importance as ALL are important to me. This list is not all-inclusive at all, either, it is simply the thoughts that have been in my head for the last few days:
1) I am so thankful to have gotten to watch my baby girl - pup take her last breaths and know that we made the right decision. This past Saturday we had to say good-by to Aiko because there was no good ending to her world otherwise. She licked my hand all the way to the vet, nuzzled close while we waited for the doc, and then rested her paws on my lap and her head on my chest while Dr. Doherty prepared her. She looked at me the entire time, and I at her, and I knew from the weight of her head on my abdomen that it was over for her. She wasn't afraid, she was at peace. I questioned my own strength while I waited, unsure of whether or not I could do it; she, however, never questioned me, my strength, or my decision.
2) I am glad that I can run. I hate it, it hates me, but I can do it. I can do better than what I've done and my body doesn't fight me...this is more than so many can say and I am truly fortunate.
3) I am so glad to have the opportunity to learn not only from the strength of others but also from their mistakes. I am not perfect and never will be; however, I do try hard every day to work towards it so that someday I may even be halfway there. I learn from those I admire, those I respect, those I love, those I am disgusted by, those who scare me, those who are. Every person has the power to impact our lives for the better, if only we are able to see how to learn from what they can share. There are days when I am far from the person I would like to be; I look to what I've learned to pull me back and help me up.
4) My family means the world to me. No matter how angry, frustrated, aggravated, upset with them I am, I wouldn't have my life without them, couldn't imagine it without them.
What it comes down to is this, folks- I have in my world people I love, lessons I've learned, a home I can die in, and the strength of all those who've touched my life. Thirty days just isn't enough time to credit everyone and everything for allowing me the life I am so fortunate to live. However, it is the day to day that makes it all worthwhile and if we don't stop to think each day about something, anything, that we have dear in our worlds, then what is the point? When we lose sight of what makes our lives feel whole, we stop being whole and instead become angry and lost. I may get angry (one of the drawbacks to Italian and Irish genes, I guess), but most of all I am thankful to no longer live angry. I am whole and am so grateful to be able to be.
*The Art of Racing in the Rain- Garth Stein
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