DAY TWENTY-SEVEN - 27 November 2012
Today was a day at odds with itself, with so much good followed by so much not. It has taken a while to get beyond the negative of that day and really embrace that for which I am grateful and about which I am smiling.
It is amazing to realize just how heavy you've been once that weight has been lifted. Regardless of what is causing that weight, be it choices you've made or events beyond your control, I know there are many for whom the weight ceases to be an urgent concern and who instead begin to carry it without realizing it. The only sign of that weight is in the slight stoop in their gait, the downward curl of the corners of their mouth when no one is looking, the watery eyes when someone, in passing, references that which has been making them hurt. It is not until after that weight has been removed from our shoulders that we realize just how heavy it was and how relieved we now feel.
Today I had someone do some weight-lifting for me, as there was something weighing upon me that I alone could not bear. That weight, that burden, was lift not by strength of muscle and nerves of steel, but by one of the most powerful tools we have to help others lighten their loads- forgiveness.
I am not going to spoil or trivialize today by going into the details, as they are personal and do not need to be exploited. However, know that I am thankful today for the opportunity to shut the door on a weight that my heart has been carrying for too long...and thankful for the person who has given me this relief.
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT - 28 November 2012
I grew up in a home with cats and dogs. Most of my relatives and friends have had pets. As a young adult, out on my own, one of the first things I did was bring home a furry little guy of my own (...how I miss you, Garp...). What I am getting at here, folks, is that I have spent my life wiping pet hair off my pants, vacuuming pet hair off my couches, and sweeping up spilled pet food from the kitchen floor. Just like the people in my life, my animals alternately aggravate the hell out of me and make me smile with their mere presence. They drain my wallet and fill my hearts and now the hearts of my children, too.
I have known so many people who haven't had this joy, people who have never known what it was like to get muddy prints all over their clothes when their wet and dirty dog gave them a hug...or have cried into the backs of their warm, purring cat. I feel for these people- adult and child alike- because aside from the love of your infant child, there is no love as unabashed and unwavering as that of a pet.
We found out last night that our oldest dog, Aiko, is dying. It may not be this week, but it will be before Christmas unless we make the choice to have it happen sooner. The children are heartbroken. This is the seventh- yes, seventh!- pet we will have lost in the last 3 1/2 years. Aaron and I adopted our furballs long before we had kids and they are all reaching the end of the road, one right after another. Taidhgin told me that he can't handle it, all the hurting from losing them all. Eibhlin told me that she can't handle knowing that Aiko is hurting the way she is. Connlaodh told me he is okay right now because she is still here but won't be after she's gone. Uilleam told me he loved her- by climbing on top of her and giving her a big hug.
I hurt for my children but am grateful that they have had the chance with Aiko- and all of our pets - to know both the love a pet can give as well as the sorrow at their loss. I don't want my children suffering, but I do want them to know that their love for something or someone doesn't have to die just because that creature does. They love her- have loved them all- and will, always, not only because they had her in their worlds as a young and active pup, but because they are able to give her back so much love at a time when she needs it most.
Our animals can teach us some pretty amazing things about being honest and good and real. If you could have seen Aiko with Uilleam on top of her last night, knowing she just ached and ached but did nothing other than give him a lick of love, you'd see just a little slice of what it means to be right and whole. Thank you, Garp, Booyah, Dallas, Yabo, Plato, Ni, Aiko...for the love, the lessons, and the warmth you have shown all of us.
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